


Poison

by your_starless_eyes



Series: Lemon Boy [10]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Dan Howell Needs A Hug, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Comfort, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Hiding in Plain Sight, Live Shows (Phandom), M/M, Not Beta Read, Paranoia, Phil Needs a Hug, Shh, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 19:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13508136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_starless_eyes/pseuds/your_starless_eyes
Summary: Dan and Phil fall victim to a strange presence they can't identify.ORThe one where everything is written really cryptically and the reader is just as much a part of the story as Dan and Phil.---"Don’t be afraid / I’m not insane / Just irrational / But isn’t that the same?"





	Poison

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by
> 
> Poison  
> Cavetown  
> Lemon Boy  
> 2018
> 
> "About paranoia."  
> -Robin Skinner (Cavetown), via Bandcamp

> _Ease your breath / Untie my hands  / Release my neck / If you can / You don’t have to be like that // Don’t be afraid / There’s nothing strange / It’s not a trap // But there’s cars coming closer / And I think they’re trying  to run me over / Poisoning my food / And putting drugs inside my water / There’s ghosts in my house / And I can taste blood in my mouth // Don’t be afraid / I’m not insane / Just irrational / But isn’t that the same? _

_ ~Poison, Cavetown (Lemon Boy, 2018) _

_ •-•-•-• _

_ Breathe. _

_ In. Out. In. Out. Keep doing that. In. Out. In. Out. _

_ You're okay. You're safe. It's just in your head. _

Dan tells himself that, closing his eyes.

***

_ It's all in your head. You're safe. _

_ You're okay. You're fine. You will always be fine. _

_ Nothing is going to happen to you or to Dan. _

Phil repeats the words silently, mouthing them along with his thoughts.

***

It's choking him. It's strangling. He can't breathe. He's being smothered.

"Dan!" Phil shouts, sitting up, but the words don't come out.

_ It's done, Phil. Relax. Let it take over. There's nothing you can do now. Shh, it'll all be over in a second. _

Phil slowly sinks back down into his bed against his will, closing his eyes once more.

***

Dan forces a nervous laugh as he aimlessly chats with his audience. He feels uneasy.

_ Why? What's wrong with me? I've done these shows a million times and nothing bad ever happens. _

"'Are you alright? You look a little tense,' said Sophia," Dan reads. He glances out his window, biting his lip hard enough to make it bleed. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Just a little... tired."

_ That's not it, that's not true. It's something else, something more harmful and difficult to fix. _

_ What the hell is this feeling? _

***

Dan finally figures it out some time later.

Paranoia.

_ You're close. _

_ It's not paranoia if they're out to get you, Dan. _

***

Phil curls up on the sofa, trying to breathe.

_No, no no no no. You can't fix it that easily, Phil._

_I don't go away._

***

_Who are you, my dear reader?_

_Why are you here?_

_Why are you reading this story?_

_What are you planning on getting out of this?_

_Entertainment?_

_Sure, I suppose you could find it to be so, but that's not what it's meant to be._

_Nothing was ever made for such a frivolous purpose._

_What's that?_

_You want to know the meaning behind this?_

_I could tell you, but i_ s _n't there something else you should be doing... l_ _ike keeping an eye on that "person" in front of you?_

_"What person?" you ask?_

_You're safe, you say?_

_They won't hurt you, you say?_

_Well, that's what they want you to think, dear reader._

_You're never really alone._

_You're always being watched._

_You're always in danger._

***

Phil stares in the mirror.

_There's no one here, there's no one here, there's no one here._

_...or is there?_

Just like that, Phil's breath is stolen away, and not in a good way.

_Leave me be._

_Please._

_This is not what I want, not what I need._

***

You close your eyes.

You count to ten.

You know exactly who you are, what thoughts are your own and which are not.

Do you really, though?

What if you're only being told that by something that is not yourself?

What if that's the monster that lives within your head?

***

Dan closes the blinds. 

He turns off the lights.

He slides beneath his duvet.

He waits.

It's going to come back.

It always does.

***

_Loneliness is like an old friend. It clings to you, holding your hand._

_It's there beside you when you look in the mirror, daring you to live your life without it._

_It grasps your hand only to yank you back down when your struggling to stand._

_It clings to your skin._

_It worms through your mind._

_It infects your whole being, slowly, over time so that you do not notice._

_You cannot escape it._

_"Cogito, ergo sum."_

_"I think, therefore I am."_

_It is you._

_You are the monster you fear._

_I am you._

_You are me._

_We are one in the same, reader, but so very different all at once._

_How can this be?_

***

Phil grabs Dan's hand. Dan lets out a shaky breath. Phil takes a deep one.

_We are not one in the same._

Dan whispers it aloud.

"We are not one in the same."

***

 _Is that my cue to leave?_ _Perhaps._

_"What was the point of this work?"_

_You asked that question earlier._

_I think that is up to you to decide._

_I'm merely the author._ _You're the reader._ _An author without an audience is nothing._

_Make this work mean something to you, dear reader._

_"Let it serve as entertainment."_

_Know that if you only do that I shall be incredibly offended. I put my heart and soul into these works in hopes that they will encourage you to think beyond what is said._

_"Let it serve as a warning."_

_A warning for what, exactly?_

_"Let it serve as something that means something personal to me, the reader."_

_There you are._

_Create your own meaning not only for this work, but for yourself, for your life, for the world._

_I can only paint what I see._ _You see something different than I._

 _We are the same, but so different all at once._ _We cannot possibly understand each other fully._

_Perhaps none of us were ever meant to do so, though._

**Author's Note:**

> As I was writing this, I got a notification saying that Robin had uploaded seven (!!!) new videos.  
> The video that's thumbnail showed was "Cavetown - Poison (Official audio)"
> 
> I'm gonna go hide beneath my bed now because that's actually kind of terrifying considering what I had just written.
> 
> *** ********** ** ******** ** ***.  
> [Fact removed by the government.]
> 
> Uh, hope you enjoyed this very different, oddly styled fic?


End file.
